Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
