Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize