I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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