you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
