hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
