I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
