I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
