my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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