I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
