I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
