Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
