went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
