his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
