im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
