Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
