you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you will always have a special place in my vag
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize