Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
