More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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