Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
