i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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