It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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