i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
