You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
