don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize