I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
