is your mom at the bar?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
