What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
