Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
BRING THE BAGELS
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
