I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
