When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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