Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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