Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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