mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
