All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Come see our sink grown plant.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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