Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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