can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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