first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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