You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize