dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
