Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
