Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
