I just cut my nipple shaving
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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