i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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