dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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