I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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