feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
