i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
