I heard we made out
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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