Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
