Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
