I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
