she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
