Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
