it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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