508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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