Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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