I wish I could punch you in the face.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She bit a glass in half.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
