I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
