I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just blew my weed a kiss
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
