i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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