You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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