hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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