i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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