I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
