there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
