So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
