I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize