Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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