lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
