Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
