So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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