I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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